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It's been 9 months and counting..
h_f_l
I had the baby nine moths ago and i still feel like it was yesterday. Thinking about her makes me cry from time to time but I survive knowing that she's ok with her adoptive family. Yes,I gave her up for adoption and I did it out of love. Many people may hate me for doing that but with my situation it was right for me and everybody else. I knew abortion was straight out wrong and keeping the baby was not right for her. She needs diapers,clothes,bottles,food etc. and an actual home not an apartment that my dad can hardly afford. I wanted the absolute best for her and the things she needed and i wanted to buy for her were all things i can't provide. Loving your child is a selfless not selfish thing. Its giving your child what they need and doing it with love and taking them to their appointed doctor visits. I'm still in high school and my dad has a 8-5 job that pays for everything but doesn't make enough for the support a child needs. I didn't want to be one of those drop-out teens that worked all the time and putting her kid in day care with no chances to see her own baby. Once i picked out her adoptive parents i knew everything i did was the responsible and selfless thing to do for her and even thought it pained me to do so,i will always be reassured again and again of her safety because the parents were gracious enough to agree to an open adoption. I was adopted myself and the one thing i always wanted as a kid was to know my mom or to just meet her and ask why she gave me away but giving my own daughter up for adoption i knew that my birth mom did care and thats why i am where i am. She did me a favor and thats exactly what i did for my own daughter. There are times that it kills me to see her grown and i'm not there to see every minute of it but her parents are doing a great job of raising her now all i need to do is prevent her form growing so fast. When I was pregnant the one thing i wanted was for her to be born already and now i just want her to slow down her growth. She's getting her teeth and wanting to crawl,next thing you know she'll be talking.

The Final Chapter:An Old Life,A New Me
h_f_l
To many times of hurt & deception.
The trust we had,a misconception.
I hid behind my broken smile.
Behind it, was a silent child.
waiting to break out & scream
cus in your eyes,i saw me.
I've cracked,i've fallen
got up,not crawling.
brushed it off like it was nothing
i lied to myself my soul was numbing
I'm my own,i'm finally me
not following those who continue to hurt me
Once a shy girl looking for those who cared
fear of losing,i was too scared.
In God I trust,My family I love.
What can be better than love from above?

Over The Pain That Started It All
h_f_l
The hurt was there and now its gone
it disappeared along with yesterdays sorrows
I'm now waiting and longing for a better tomorrow
I'm over crying over something that will never end
I'm over agonizing over someone that was never even a friend
You hurt me once and now that's over
All i need and want to live for are those who love me,my friends and family
I've said 'I'm over it' numerous times but today it's genuine
I'm no longer going to lie to myself,I don't have to pretend.