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The Advantage of Having a Family..
Saturday afternoon was supposed to be a lunch with me, my mom and the kids, It didn't happen. Instead Susan asked me if I would like to take a drive with her and the kids up into Saddleback mountains which didn't really occur to me that they were actual mountains until she said that.. Once we got there we were 1/2 and 1/2 on weather we would walk a mile just to get to the place we need to go. The parking spaces were packed and so we walked most of the roadways sides. Anyway, by the time we got to the front gate we had to sit and eat haha. However, once we did st we got up and started our wonderful journey but before we could actually do so..we had a set back. how do we get the huge stroller over this huge gate? well it took both of our brain power and biceps to literally get the stroller over but WE DID IT !! We were very proud of ourselves and it was a very awesome experiance. By the time we got to walking we didn't see our first ptch of snow until our fifteenth break stop. We saw this beautiful/small stream of water and off to the side was the sight of our first patch of snow. Me and Susan joked "well we saw the snow..that's it. Let's Go!" We were told by an onlooker that the snow was probably another mile so we made the decision of walkin maybe another 30-60 min. but after that we were going to leave. I took Pearl's and Dinah's hand and we skipped some of the way singing Christmas songs. About a half an hour in we saw beautiful white all around us and the sound of the waters with the trees whistling in the wind. It was a wonderful sight to see with some of the most important people in your life. We walked back and were tragically tired and me well my eyes and feet hurt. You know..a lot of these things that we have everyday that we're used to we take for granted and never thank God for them, as for me I do not take pity on myself however this is my first time family and I am thankful everyday because it is because of God that I have them. I will never take them for granted and will be there for them forever and always as I know they would be for me as my dad has been my whole life and I know he will continue to do.

The strength of my Heart.
So..I have been praying a lot lately and it has been to give strength to my heart and soul. I had always thought of myself a strong well actually i don't really know how define myself beyond that point anymore. I'm getting there though. Me and my mom have recently parted ways temorarily and to keep a minimum detail on the subject I would definatley have to give myself some credit on the way I handled the conversation with my mom. We obviously don't have the best relationship but when I was younger, when the both of us got mad our personalities clashed. Now that I am older I have learned to handle bad situations with a mature and good attitude as mad as i might be. I kept my voice down and told her the truth with the best descretion possible. I never want to hurt anyone and am very neutral when it comes to most things in my life the resolve aroundmy family. I always wanted to see the best in her and let the worst she did to me slide and I metaphorically put her words and hirt in a box in the back seat. I was always aware of her emotional abuse but never brought it to my full attention to where it could fully break my heart, when I came to that understanding with myself and my heart I knew it was time to simply let her go so it could be easier for me to be a completely, blissfully and whole person for me and God as well. Now i know that I truely am a strong, sophisticated, friendly, tender-hearted, a great friend, a great sould and a Christian.

Forgiveness for my Past
I have found my way through the darkness of the night
I walked on glass and won the endless fight
I came out of corner that I've stayed so long
hiding from the hurt and running towards the wrong
the little girl lost so long in my eyes
screamed, took control and constanly cried
she was finally let free from the blood of my past
she laughs with a smile and is happy at last.
Thank you Lord, the forgivness of my sins
you've washed away the demon my future now begins.