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I can't be like this, no not any more, any more any more
I won't hold my tears in any more not any more it's getting old
I want to wake up and put on my make up knowing that it's all worth it

OK so today I have been thinking things through. woke up watched tv made a couple of phone calls. I still have feelings yet to be resolved but I'm working on it One thing I do know is that I will not be doing NOTHING today. That is just stupid. I'm over people at the moment and just drama and life. I need to concentrate on myself and will be staying off of myspace and will have my phone off for the most part. Cutting myself off from the world. I'm dealing with other things and I need to take care of myself for once.

i thought about it today
the day that i couldn't take
i felt it scrambling within my blood
then i thought what I could have done
so fed up with everything
but then i a flashback of the memory
that time when i was young and wrong
i thought i knew everything
i covered it up w/ my favoritE song
hoping it would all go away
hoping that with just a blink it would all just fade
i hurt myself more than i love myself and crept beneath the sheets
wept and curled into my feet.
I will never go back there ever again
I feel that now i am my greatest friend

your eyes are drowning in the pain of your weakness
Hair, losing fullness and your throat filled with dryness
I see beneath your exasperated breath, why can't you be honest with me
I see the behind the facade your putting, your silenced lies scare me.
I don't cry in hopes of gaining strength with every hiccup.
I catch myself before I fall to avoid any slip up
Muscles weakening, I can see it in your walk
Your usual sense of humor is fading each time you talk.
I will always care until your last living breath
I will always love you with every breath I take.
I will be strong now and forever
holding my head up high, my strength is my treasure.

i never thought
I never knew how much you hurt me
I used to be unsure when you left me with our baby
you left me, you didn't care while our baby was still inside me.
I covered my mouth trying to cover my cries
trying not to care but you could still see it in my eyes.
I never knew how much you hurt me until today. Talking it out and seeing your face.

It's confusing and I hate to feel this way
It's like I'm losing and I want to get away
You made me feel important and like I was the only one
Now it's like I don't exist and it's all been said and done.

I just don't know
I can't think thoughts are blank
deep in water, can't breath, i think i've sank
tear ducts swollen, to much pride to shed a tear
to let out my sadness and my inner fears
Naive now I've broken out, now I'm strong
Now reluctant to believe that I can ever be wrong
scared to believe that maybe my life is out of my hands