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battle of the bulge
I woke up this morning..As for the reasons? I don't know why. I started looking at some old pictures. Now I've never had a picture perfect body but at 13/14 I was comfortable in my skin. I had "days" just like any other teenager does but I never looked at myself everyday constantly obsessing over my weight or hated myself because of how I looked. When I was 15 years old I found out that I was pregnant. I ate for two, kept healthy, and gained a few necessary pounds..doctors orders. (I swear) :)
I gained about sixty pounds to be exact. That much weight on my 4'11 frame added onto my "not so perfect body" made my body look like jelly. I felt globular if that's even a word. After I had the baby I was depressed and stressed. Right now I'm at an okay weight that doesn't have me feeling gross and embarrassed. At the same time I still look back at those pictures of when I was 13 and I just want to be at that weight again.
I've been on and off my diet however, have been more consistent about the gym and workouts in general. Staying active everyday helps even if I do cheat on my diet that day. Looking at those pictures brought up old emotions. When I was pregnant, Weight didn't matter, I didn't care and when I was younger it didn't matter that much either but now it seems to be the thing I always think about. Now it has gotten better and for that I'm thankful. I'd wake up and just not want to get up. Days where I'd look down at my stomach and it was just hanging over and sticking out. I literally felt like no one wanted me around and like I wanted to die. I've gotten myself to a point where I've admitted to myself that it's no one else's fault but mine. I'm the one putting that fast food down my throat. I've taken action ever since fathers day last year. Since then I've lost eighteen pounds and gained eight of it back. Learning that I gained eight back pissed me off. I've been going to the gm, bike riding and just staying active this past week. I've been feeling better but I still want to lose more weight. Keeping this in mind I will continue this battle of the bulge and continue to do my best :)